NORMALIZE THE GAP SEMESTER!

Sometimes the best thing we can do as human beings is relax and simply take a break from the noise around us. Growing up, I have been an ideal student making good grades and being very involved in extracurricular activities. From an early age, we get the idea that we must go to college after high school to get a job and degree just like everybody else. There has always been this stigma around taking a gap semester before or during your college career. I will admit that when I was in high school I, too, believed in that stigma. Growing up in a small town, everybody knows your business. I am blessed to be a part of a privileged family however, others in your surrounding community set very high expectations for you and they give you the “hometown hero” complex. I was a people pleaser back in the day and I always felt as if I had to prove myself to others to show them that I am worthy and capable of accomplishing amazing things. Did you catch that? That was the first red flag. It is so important to live for yourself and not for people's expectations of you. You get to create your own reality and you should not let others' opinions or the fear of being “average” haunt you and your decision-making for the future.

Ever since I was in middle school, I painted this image of me moving out-of-state far away from home for college. I held on to that expectation while I was graduating high school onto my next chapter. What was my motive behind that plan? This took so much self-reflection that I literally needed a whole gap semester to realize this. I thought that moving out-of-state for college was going to validate me as a successful and above average person. I did it to prove to other people that I will not be a failure. Looking back, that's not a great motive because where were my wants, my desires, and my needs? Flash forward to my first semester at Ole Miss. This was a campus that I loved the most out of every college visit I attended. Going there met my criteria of moving out-of-state and starting something new while being different from everyone else. When I got there for my very first semester I was not myself and turned into something that I didn't even recognize. I completely lost myself because I didn't feel like I fit in very well in that environment. I went from being such an outgoing and bubbly person to being so closed off, introverted, and an anxious mess. Long story short, after three semesters there I reached my darkest moments in my life regarding mental health and triggers with eating disorders. After so much courageous contemplation, I realized that the best thing I could do was to simply step back, take a break, and re-evaluate what is best for me and what is going to make me the most content. I felt very stuck to where I could not envision my own future and I didn't even know what my interests were anymore. I simply did not know what I wanted because I spent my whole life listening to what other people expected. Disclaimer: My family never made me feel like I had to prove anything of that magnitude to them because they have been such an amazing support system throughout my entire life and I could not have completed such a successful gap semester without them. When I was in Mississippi my grades were outstanding and I consistently made a 4.0 GPA. I was also in a sorority and had an amazing group of friends/ roommates. I am so blessed to have them in my life and I miss you guys so much! I could write an entire memoir about how those three semesters I spent at that University affected my mental health, but I want to be straight to the point so that I can help and reassure others that they are not alone in their identity crisis. I do want to make it known that some great things came out of that experience and it did teach me to be a more independent person.

Here is some photo evidence to prove that social media can be so deceiving. While I was uploading these photos to Instagram during this time period, I had everyone fooled into thinking I was at my happiest and living my best life. Behind the screen, I was facing my darkest moments.

Taking the gap semester to re-evaluate what is best for me and is going to make me the happiest in the long run, was the best decision I've ever made in my life. I have accomplished so much within these 8 months out of school. Society likes to make us feel as if we should rush our lives and have a plan so we could spend the rest of our lives working, and stigmatize the thought of being a year or two behind everyone else. Well here is a hard truth that everyone needs to hear: we are all not on the same timeline. In other words, my time to shine is going to be at a different age and different era than somebody else. I spent this gap semester focusing primarily on my mental health and eating disorder recovery. These were things that were holding me back from being my authentic self and living my best life. Those disorders and illnesses are so isolating and so dictating. I felt like I had all the time in the world to discover what I want my future to be in terms of my career and livelihood. So I made the decision to attend the University of Missouri, which is a 30-minute drive from my hometown. Won't you look at that?! I came back home! The reason why I did that is because number one, I selected a Broadcast Journalism major and the University of Missouri is the best of the best in that program! Number two, there is so much more to do in Columbia in terms of nightlife, shopping, restaurants, etc. Finally onto number three, who would not want to live in a downtown apartment!? To make this decision I used my interests, no outside influences allowed!

I want you all to walk away from this blogpost with a new outlook on life to where you feel like success doesn't have to come with rushing your current timeline or moving 500 + miles away to prove yourself. True success and happiness also doesn't look like picking a major where the only intention is making a lot of money. Money is great but you also want to feel mentally fulfilled, content, and happy with your life. The moral of this story is to understand the importance of self-reflection because we are so caught up in what other people want and expect out of us. If you are reading this right now and can relate to my story, know that you are not alone and that there is absolutely NO SHAME in taking a breather. There is nothing more lonely and terrifying than forgetting who you are as a person. Establish your desire, your brand, and do not hold yourself back by limiting beliefs. NORMALIZE THE GAP SEMESTER! If you are constantly overworked, exhausted, and overstimulated by all of this outside noise, simply search for yourself, love yourself, and come back into the world stronger than ever.