Blockin' Out the Haters

We have heard the thing that goes “don’t worry about what other people think.” Simple, but please elaborate on how I can take this message and apply it to everyday life. I found myself to be anxious anticipating social situations for as long as I can remember. From existing in public settings to parties and going to school, I used to overthink the smallest things like my body language to how I talk to people and present myself. Now that I have acknowledged this, I realize how much I have missed out on opportunities and connections out of fear of things that do not matter. I had to rewind to figure out where this fear stemmed from.

If you see me in my natural state, I can be loud, unhinged, and bold when appropriate. In the past, I sadly had to neglect that part of my personality that made me the lively and animated person I am. I vividly remember in grade school when a boy on the playground called me annoying and “too much.” That was a big dig at me and I started to question my likability. Another time in high school there was this one girl that was very different from me in terms of morality and interests. I did not judge her decisions but I kept to myself and remained kind. I knew I did not want to be friends with her and that’s okay because friendships should not be forced. I left the locker room for a few minutes and suddenly one of my friends came up to me and said that this girl called me “weird.” Weird because I got good grades, was kind to everyone, and made good decisions?! Nothing weird about that because having a good reputation and name for myself was important at that time because I lived in a small town immersed in gossip. Sadly, I let that comment get to me. I was previously having doubts about my personality and likability and the last thing I needed was unsolicited criticism from somebody that did not know me. I never really partied in high school. My focus was to just focus on myself and make my family proud and eventually leave the town without wearing a scarlet letter of something that will haunt me forever. In summary, being a goody was weird. Now that I have grown up, I am glad that I played “goody two shoes.” I sadly did not appreciate that at the time. Safe to say I haven’t peaked yet…

After those experiences and paranoia about how people perceived me, I became the queen of isolation. I liked to avoid big social gatherings unless I knew my best friend was going to be there. This carried on to my college life as I was scared to make friends because the thought of having to be myself around people was terrifying. I am going to list some ways in which social anxiety and being ourselves can be scary and how we can overcome it.

Are my hobbies and goals embarrassing?! Problem: This one hit me specifically because it is the most recent. Ever since I could walk, sing, and dance I knew that I wanted to be an actress or pursue performing in some fashion. I kept this dream to myself for the longest time because I was embarrassed about it. I was embarrassed because it is considered unattainable and not common where I come from. Another interest I was hesitant to pursue was growing my social media. I often talk about how social media can be harmful but I approach platforms through the lens of an art form. It's a way for me to express my creativity and have a voice on issues and topics that are so relevant in our society. I always like to play characters and I feel like it's a good way of stepping into character. It sounds very counterintuitive to being myself but as myself, I love the idea of getting into character. Solution: If you truly enjoy doing something and it lights your soul on fire also without hurting anybody, it should not be embarrassing and you should not feel like you need to conceal that side of yourself. At the end of the day, it should be what makes you happy. You can sit here and laugh at my blog post and think that my podcasts are cheesy. You can also think that I am pursuing something that is so far out of my league, but I don't care because I have faith in myself and I know that it will happen. Walking into a new environment and wanting to make friends Problem: The problem here is pretty simple. You are afraid you're going to say the wrong thing or that your personality is going to be off-putting. You are questioning your vocabulary, body language, your appearance, etc. Solution: The hard truth is that not everyone is going to like you. And to be honest I may not be a fan of everyone but I am still kind to them. I feel that the more you are genuine to yourself you will have a better opportunity of finding like-minded people. If you open yourself to those opportunities you can deepen connections with others. When I encounter a stranger, I'm not overthinking everything that they said. In reality, we are all newbies in this world. We are all confused and honestly, not everyone knows what they're doing and that is just how it is and supposed to be.

Social anxiety in the dating pool Problem: It's either the first day or the third, or the second month of dating and you have put on this reserved persona because you're afraid of embarrassing yourself if you make too many jokes or have different interests. You feel like you have to tone down your personality because you don't want to overwhelm the potential partner. If you are a naturally shy and reserved person, you feel that you need to bring out this bold, lively, animated character. Solution: If you are authentic and say what you want and crack whatever clever line comes to mind and the two personalities just didn't click and vibe, It's not a "you" problem. It would suck to be dating someone for such a long time that you haven't been yourself around. If it's not to be then there's no point in forcing it. It's just simple as they weren't compatible with you. not every day is going to work out and be perfect. Sometimes I still overthink things that I say. But at the end of the day, you want to be with someone you can completely be yourself around to make the most genuine relationship and connection. I'm a firm believer in fake it till you make it but in relationships that is not the secret formula.

You shouldn't feel ashamed or bad about yourself for wanting to feel accepted. It is a human instinct and we all want to feel like we belong and accepted by those around us. Everybody is going to be different because the world would be such a boring place if we were all the same. My message for you is to be yourself and surround yourself with the people that love you for who you are. We glamorize the idea of having a big circle but it is just simply not realistic. Your support system should take quality over quantity. Be yourself, be brave, and be liberated.